I am looking forward to this Mother’s Day! It will be my first as a Mom with an actual child! LOL! I have celebrated before, for my little ones that could have been. I celebrated as a dog mom….
This year I celebrate as a mom to a beautiful baby boy.
I spent the better part of my 16 year marriage going between bouts of depression over my inability to carry a pregnancy to term to trying to convince myself that they would only cramp my style. I would spend weeks avoiding children like the plague. The time spent around others kids was just too painful. My husband and I could pick up at 3 am and decide to embark on a road trip. I could sleep late every day if I so chose. So I started to question whether I just wanted to have kids because it was what women were supposed to want. Well, the questioning assuaged my sadness and longing….
This time last year I had no idea how my life would change. It was June of last year after having gone through weeks of illness. I had diagnosed myself with everything from Celiac’s disease (which actually affects mostly Caucasians…lol) to Irritable Bowel Syndrome. My mother suggested that I take a home pregnancy test, this made me chuckle a little. I knew that I didn’t want to take one – they only disappoint me. Well, hubby picked up one of those tests and I kept forgetting to take it.
One morning I thought, “Why not?” and did the pointless little test. I had that stick in my hand and was going to sit it down to wait for the five minutes or whatever to be over. I noticed that something was odd…it immediately said that I was pregnant. I put it down, took a pic, and sent it to hubby. This can’t be right. I visited the doctor that day and the next day the blood work was back. After 15 years of trying….I was pregnant.
But blood work had come back positive before. It was the first ultrasound that floored me.
There was an actual BABY there. With little ARMS and LEGS waving about. When the doctor asked if I wanted to hear a heartbeat I shouted, “There’s a heartbeat?” I wasn’t quite getting it. I left that appointment in a daze…don’t know how I got home that day. I sent one text and the world changed. My parents, my sister, my husband, my in-laws….everyone cried when we told them the news. NOT ME….
I knew how to be the infertile, barren woman. I knew how to long for a little one. I’m not sure I knew how to be a mother. It was a long 10 months, but we welcomed Tristan Jon August Sonnier into the world in January of this year.
My Aunt prayed with us in the hospital room, my mother-in-law recited the Holy Rosary with me. When he came into the world he was welcomed first by my hubby, his mom, and my mom. Oh…and me – I was in shock when they placed this little body on my chest. I still wasn’t there…
Now it’s been three months, almost four and I don’t remember not loving this little boy. I never thought I would ever love anyone this much. It’s scary and wonderful all at the same time. He has brought so much joy to everyone. I thank GOD for him and my little family every day.
So, this Mother’s Day I celebrate as a MOM.
God works in HIS time…not ours. God is GOOD…all the time.